30DoB Day 2 : Fears

Day 2 : Your biggest fear(s)

And I am already a day behind... awesome... 

Yesterdays prompt was what is your biggest fear.

I hate spiders and snakes.

I like my sharks like I like my bears... on the TV.

Clowns creep me out. 

I think like most people I am afraid of loosing the people closest to me. I think that comes with being a parent. I have always had this fear even as a child. I would have very vivid dreams about my family dyeing. But since I have had Finley, it has gotten worse. I constantly worry about her health and safety. When I give her a bath I watch for bruises and keep tabs on how long they are there. She has been getting bloody noses more frequently because of the weather changing and plants blooming. I am sure it is just due to allergies, but there is that little voice in my head that says "What if it is something more?"

I constantly worry about Matthew every time he goes out paddling. I hold my breath every time the phone rings until I get his message that he is off the river and OK. He told me once to stop worrying about him, he was being careful. I told him the day I stop worrying is the day he should start to worry. And then he broke his face, and I got a call I knew would come one day. That he was going to the hospital. Thankfully I spoke to him and not one of his friends. I think if one of his buddies had called me I would have gone into a tailspin of panic. But that accident has put a whole knew sense of worry every time he goes out.

I also have a HUGE fear of heights and bridges.... like full blown panic attack type fear.

Put those 2 things together and it is not a good situation for me.

Enter our trip to Namchee. The only way there by foot was to cross swinging bridges, 10 of them to be exact. I don't even really like walking across the walking bridge here in Chattanooga, so you can imagine my panic when got to these bridges. They are hand built, and not always tied into the mountain to keep them from really swinging in the wind. I would walk slowly through the center and then take off running once I was past the midpoint. The boys we were with gave me some tips to get across on my own. Abinash would take my hiking poles and walk behind me saying "big steps. hands down. stay in the center. hands down. look ahead. hands down." I kept trying to hold onto the sides which would throw my balance off because the bridge was just to wide to reach both sides at the same time.

I don't like letting my fears keep me from doing things. So I knew I needed to go across the bridges like it or not. By the end of the trip going across the bridges got easier, but I am still not a fan.

I saw this and thought "oh hell no...."

Notice I am not actually on the bridge. 

I am still very much NOT a fan of heights and bridges, but I got past it a little bit during this trip. Sometimes you just gotta conquer that fear.